Chicken Little?
Ok so I managed to make it through the weekend without diving into the deep abyss of this miracle drug. Why do I hesitate? I said it was because I wanted to be awake to watch the movie Friday night. I said it was because I was too sick to monitor my behavior on Saturday night. I said it was because I wanted to be able to have “relations” consciously on Sunday night. What I really meant was…I’m a little chicken to take it. Excuses…excuses. I never run out of them.
It’s odd really. I can’t even bring myself to tell my special person I’m about to embark on this journey. Embarrassed?…yes. Last night, though, he accidentally found my bottle of untouched pills after asking him to grab something from my purse. He asked, I dodged the question. I wouldn’t be surprised if he memorized “Sertraline” to Google later, but he hasn’t mentioned it yet.
Now it’s Monday and here I am…remembering why I need to try this. “Pause” is only temporary. I think I may take my leap tonight.
“Dear Miracle Pill, I know it seems like I’m ignoring you. I can’t seem to admit to myself that I can no longer control certain aspects of my life. You see me one way and you want to help. I see myself another way and think I don’t need help. It’s me..not you…”
